A bouquet I brought for the table yesterday

I told a friend that I was feeling the broken parts of my heart today. He quoted Charlie Brown (a character in the Peanuts cartoons by Charles Schultz) --

"You know you've got a broken heart because the jagged edges poke you when you lay on your side."

Just the thought that my terrible despair was being met with a quote from a cartoon character made me smile and I remembered why life is so great. The randomness.

I can't enjoy the randomness when it is in my favor and revile it when it isn't. To love life, to know the joy of living I think takes willingness to endure the jagged edges. After all, however jagged the edges right now, everyone I care about is alive and well, including myself.

Made a little breakfast

Susan Rosenberg, a teacher at Homeboy Industries in downtown Los Angeles brought a Willow-proof muzzle (yay!) and bowls for the dogs plus a makeup kit which was given to Gladys who loves it. Thank you, Susan!

An anonymous donation to our hotel will enable us to stay until the 5th of January. We know the woman is in Arizona and that she found out about our situation (being displaced by fire and in hotel looking for housing) from an announcement that went out to the Drikung Kagyu and wider Tibetan Buddhist email lists.

Our benefactor is a relatively new student of H. E. Garchen Rinpoche and it is our good fortune that she is practicing such extraordinary generosity and kindness.

Know this--there is a lot of goodness out there if you are looking for it.


It's comforting and strengthening at the same time because we know we can have more days in a search that now involves several people in the area and all our waking hours.

We feel there will be a very good outcome. It's emotionally taxing but at the same time easier to endure because of the love, concern, and compassion we are being shown.

We turned in another application this morning at 8 AM for a place that we loved. An hour later the owner called and asked me to come pick up the application. He's leaving town tomorrow and the service he usually uses is not processing credit checks and he says he doesn't want to hold up up.

Just like the last application rejected, it was a blow. When you are looking and applying you feel very hopeful and when it doesn't work out the grim reality overcomes you like a dark tide. It's a momentary feeling of helplessness. For me personally it's a terrible feeling because I want so much to know that my elderly mother and our dear neighbor and the dogs will be okay. That to me is paramount. Yes I have to think of and look after myself. But making sure they are all okay is helping me get through this. It strengthens me to look after them all. So when the application is rejected my heart sinks.

So that was the morning. Okay, I thought (after balling my eyes out), I'll get back to the hotel and get back to work going over listings and making phone calls, hopefully applying again soon.

When we got back the hotel manager called us down to the lobby. I hoped it wasn't anything bad because I can only do one dissapointment per day right now, thank you.

We all get down there and Dave, the manager here at the Vagabonmd Inn in Pasadena and he wants us to know that an anonymous donor made sure we could stay here until the 5th of January.

How much goodness, kindness there is!

Know this--there is a lot of goodnes in the world, especially if you are looking for it.

Here's a little Casanova to brighten your day...

It's truly a blessing to be in the hotel room with the kitchenette because now I can now follow the routine I had with the dogs which I am hoping will lift their spirits a little. Our usual routine was that after they went outside to take care of business they first sit down to let me remove their leashes then they sit quietly at the edge of the kitchen to await their baby carrots which is their reward for asking to go outside and waiting rather than using the indoors for their toilet. They love baby carrots.

I've been lavishing affection and praise on them as I usually do but I think going back to "normal" makes a difference for them.

It does for us as well. The more we do here at the hotel what we would do at  home the less overwhelming the situation is.

It's also extremely helpful to have people calling or texting to "check-in." It would be too difficult and overwhelming to have to do this without people checking on us and expressing their concern.

In so many ways we are extremely fortunate and incredibly grateful.

Thank you so much for your responses! It means everything.

Notice how Anabella is sleeping? Her leg stretched out, etc.? See photo of Willow below.

I think Anabella is finally feeling more peaceful. She has even picked up sassing at Willow again. She loves to stir up trouble with the other dogs. She makes extended effort preceded by plotting and scheming to entangle the other dogs in some drama over toys, territory, food. No we do not force them to sleep in their bondage gear. I keep them all geared up for the safety of staff and especially when we are transporting them or walking them because of the traffic. They were in a relatively safe place free from traffic where they could go outside back at the Red Tagged Inn (our poor damaged residence).

Anabella went through the Apocalypse. That had to be a terrifying experience for her. Mi chica. She ony understands Spanish. Did I mention that?

Here's what I get an eye full of when I tuck in at night:

 

Anabella instigates little antagonisms with Willow and at the same time mimics her more and more. They both worry if they don't know the others whereabouts and are constantly sniffing around for each other. Have a look at Anabella in the first photo and the photo below of Willow sleeping at the same time tonight.

  

Thanks to the Red Cross, which had their volunteers on scene very quickly, we were placed in a nice hotel for seven days. They made sure we had an ATM card with cash so we could get clothes, meals, and essentials like toothbrushes. We were able to get the dogs food and harnesses. The dogs were evacuated with only their leashes around their necks.

It felt like Red Cross was there immediately but I know that very few were let in while the fire department worked on getting that fire out in the building. As you may have read, the neighbor was on oxygen and tried to light a cigarette. We who knew him know it was a stupid accident and we hurt when it happened and will miss him. He was stage four cancer and no doubt died instantly without any suffering. There were no other injuries. Everybody is okay. Beyond him, things were lost. Only things. Plus that matter of our housing.

That night and others that followed, I can tell you I don't have a clue what transpired. Those days felt like being outside time. Like being shifted out of one timeline into another. It's very surreal. I do know I shifted immediately into survival and logistics mode. First was to assess what we have and what we need (immediate needs and in a few days short term needs). Next is to provide food, clothing, security, then routine for everyone.

Next, with the help of Santiago Reyes, and the kindness of Pat Riley with The Salvation Army in Pasadena, our stay has been extended another seven days. The Vagabond Inn Executive in Pasadena has kindly moved us into a room with a kitchenette at no extra cost.

There has been a wonderful response and several people assisting us in the effort to secure housing. In so many ways we are very blessed and feel in our hearts that there will be a good outcome.

As the days pass, the rose set up in the room on the second day blooms. There were two buds and now they are opening.

Let me be clear, though the situation for a few of the remaining displaced tenants remains a crisis, family and neighbors are safe for today thanks to the Red Cross. 

Look around you right now and you will see an incredible list of things to be grateful over.

On left is what used to be a refrigerator

Outside hotel the second night. Everything takes on a strange cast, like being outside time.

 Everything can be approached with dignity, style, and panache. And why not? Does disaster survival have to prevent us from our lovely human expression, our creative response to an unpredictable often calamitous world?

 Anabella and the rest of the canines. Anabella ran to the farthest spot to hide when they were evacuating the building and couldn't be rescued until much later. None of the dogs were injured but you know, it's obvious they are confused and stressed by the situation.

 17 year-old Willow who is almost entirely blind and looks like a teen! Willow was sick for two nights but she's doing better.

7 year-old Chance, our Casinova though devoted to Willow heart and soul. Chance and Anabella seem to be doing a lot better. They are younger so it makes sense.

Anabella's hero